


Erwin Returns Home

by heartstarmagick



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Graphic Violence, One-Armed Erwin Smith, Other, Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 14:39:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5008576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartstarmagick/pseuds/heartstarmagick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Erwin Week, day 5! Pacific Rim crossover, taking place after Erwin has a terrible Jaeger accident and loses one of his arms. </p><p>"Maybe I need to keep a good fucking eye on you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erwin Returns Home

Things weren't the same when Erwin came home from the hospital. Levi tried to pretend nothing had changed, and Hanji was doing their best to make the two men comfortable and happy.

Erwin tried to pretend that everything was just the way it ought to be and struggled with tasks that he once deemed menial in an effort to not worry Levi or make Hanji feel guilty.

Levi noticed first, after a day of Erwin being home again. He walked into the bedroom finding Erwin trying to get himself out of his uniform. Quietly Levi went over to the older man, taking off his coat for him. "Hanji's picking up dinner for us now."

"I was supposed to make us dinner tonight," Erwin muttered, putting his hand to his forehead. He'd forgotten all about it.

Levi shrugged, beginning to unbuckle his harness, "Don't worry about it. You need rest more than another responsibility."

"No it's not that," he said before he could stop himself.

The smaller man said nothing.

"I don't like what this medicine is doing to me," the blond finally said. He sat down and took a breath, humming as he carefully collected his words. "I feel so tired all the time. I've been exhausted for the last month."

"Erwin. You feel tired all the time because your body is coping from all the shit you've put it through the last twenty fucking years." He sighed and then sat down beside Erwin, taking his hand. "Your body is telling you to slow down because you need to rebuild. If you interfere with that, you may build yourself strong walls but they're nothing on a shitty foundation. Don't--don't fuck up your foundation, Erwin."

Erwin sighed, "I couldn't forgive myself if something were to happen and--"

The blond hesitated as he looked at Levi and Levi sighed, furrowing his brow and not letting his eyes meet Erwin's as he spoke, "I couldn't forgive myself if something were to happen to _you_  and it was because you didn't take care of yourself."

Hanji opened the bedroom door, happily calling them out for Chinese food. Levi kissed Erwin on the cheek, going to wash his hands.

Erwin met Hanji in the kitchen, kissing the top of their head. "Hey you," they smiled, turning as Erwin went to get a plate, "How are you doing?"

He shrugged, "I'm not really feeling so hot. Levi says I need to take better care of myself. Hate to say he might be right."

The brunet snorted, taking a plate for themself. "He usually is. But hey, sometimes that's for the best." They smiled and Erwin turned but their voice caught his attention. "Hey, um...you know that if you need anything, if you need us to do anything for you or anything like that, we're both more than happy to, right? I know you were a righty so that's gotta be discombobulating. I'm sure Levi would be happy to forge your signature for you and I can feed you soup."

For the first time in perhaps a week or two, a tiny smile turned the commander's lips. "Thank you, Hanji. I'll try to be better about asking for help."

They took a step closer, "Please don't be shy about it. We love you, we want you to be as comfortable as you can be." Hanji gave him another smile and gently took the plate from his hand, "We don't mind doing things for you."

Hanji left it at that and led the way to the table, beginning to open the containers. Levi came out of the restroom, "It smells amazing in here."

"I know," Hanji said, smiling and scooping some rice onto both the plates set in front of them as Levi got a plate of his own. Erwin smiled in appreciation as Hanji gave his plate a little more. Erwin never got sick of rice, especially vegetable fried rice.

Levi went for the chicken first as Hanji was digging in on the veggie delight. They continued assembling the plates and soon enough the trio sat down on the couch to eat, bringing the food containers to the coffeetable for seconds. They had done so in almost complete silence, but it was far from an uncomfortable silence.

Even after so much time away from the Drift together, they still didn't need words. The eldest sat in the middle, Levi on his left side and Hanji on his right. The scientist set Erwin's plate on his lap and Erwin smiled as he felt his stomach growl.

Erwin picked his fork up, happily beginning on his veggie delight and getting a bite or two in before Hanji felt a gentle brush against their arm and Erwin stopped suddenly. Both his partners looked at him with concern before he closed his eyes, calculating his words before reopening ice blue orbs with a sheepish smile. "I'm not used to eating with one hand. Sorry, that just...felt so strange. Uh--" He paused, glancing to both Levi and then Hanji, "Would one of you mind maybe getting me some water? My arm is really tired."

"Of course!" Hanji set their plate down and jumped right up. "I was actually getting pretty thirsty myself. Levi, do you want anything?"

"If you could put on some tea, I'll grab it when it's done."

Hanji nodded and smiled, going to the kitchen and getting Erwin's water first and giving it to him. The blond took a few sips and set it down, picking up his fork again. As Hanji put on the water, Levi's delicately framed hand gently circled Erwin's wrist. "Your arm needs a break," he said, pressing a kiss to Erwin's shoulder. "Let me feed you."

Erwin's eyes widened--not in anger but in wonder, as if he'd never considered the idea. In fact, he probably hadn't.

"Like a child?"

That drew a low chuckle from Levi, who shook his head. "No," was all he said, taking Erwin's plate and slinking onto his lap, straddling him. He took a forkful of baby corn and water chestnuts as Erwin's arm found its way around Levi's waist, his hand splayed across the small of the _much_  smaller man's back.

Levi picked up a tempora chicken finger--the kind he loves--putting it to Erwin's lips, who chomped on it happily. The smiling scientist joined them once more, sipping on their glass of chocolate milk.

"You want some rice, Commander?" Levi purred, picking up a pretty good sized portion. Erwin nodded and opened his mouth, closing it around the fork and taking his bite.

Hanji watched Levi feed the older man and couldn't help a little grin. They knew that Levi could have his share of trouble showing physical affection and doing anything that even resembled talking about his feelings, but acts like this solidified that Levi was more human than he gave himself credit for.

The scientist also didn't miss the grateful look in Erwin's eyes. His own way of telling Levi that he loved him.

After dinner, the trio hung out on the couch in their original position of being tucked into Erwin's sides. Levi was watching Wheel of Fortune and muttering unkind things to the tv screen as Hanji closed their eyes and smiled, a hand resting on Erwin's belly.

Erwin could feel himself dozing off but didn't want to disturb his lovers, so he gave Levi a kiss on the top of his head (getting a soft frustrated noise that was Levi-code for 'you know not to disturb me when my show's on') and then he turned to Hanji. He kissed the top of their head as well before resting his own head on theirs and happily falling asleep.

After an hour or so, Levi and Hanji quietly woke Erwin just enough to bring him to bed. Moving rooms woke Erwin up a little more but it was alright, because the trio weren't all that sleepy anyway.

Erwin was sitting up in bed, pants off, stripping off his shirt. The action drew the attention of both his lovers, also undressing, because this was the first time they'd seen him without clothes in so long.

The blond tried not to be shy but Levi and Hanji both knew being away from this so long put his typical nerves of steel on edge. He set his shirt on the chair, his lover's eyes practically boring through him.

Not in a bad way. It made Erwin tingle a bit.

Hanji went over to him first, running their hands all along Erwin's shoulders and shoulder blades. Levi's eyebrow quirked as he mentally took note of the fact that Hanji once again went right for what's become of Erwin's arm. It didn't bother him but he couldn't say he wasn't curious. The dark-haired man took his place at Erwin's other side, giving his wrist a gentle rub.

The sudden attention was unexpected and Erwin couldn't help but smile. "Could you both do something for me?" Hanji nodded and Levi looked up at him in question. Erwin let his shoulders relax a little, "Levi, you were right. My arm is exhausted. Would you mind rubbing it for a while? And Hanji, the weather the past few days has made my stump really achey, could you um...maybe massage it or something?"

"Poor dear," Hanji said softly, moving gently calloused hands to Erwin's stump, massaging and kissing his shoulder. Levi smiled a little and mimicked the action on his arm.

"Where is it tired the most?" Levi asked, beginning with his shoulder and shoulderblade.

Erwin sighed happily, twitching his fingers and shrugging a little bit, "Starting there is nice. The entire thing is quite sore, really. I think my elbow and wrist are feeling it the most but my bicep is too."

Levi nodded, trying to ease the tension out, "I'm gonna take good care of you."

"You always have."

***

The first time Erwin and Levi entered the Drift together, they were both experienced enough to understand what was about to happen, yet they couldn't have predicted the magnitude.

Their connection was intense. They hadn't expected it to be so. The duo hardly even knew each other.

Levi was used to taking the lead--used to Hanji's ability and skill--so he was thrown off when Erwin took command. Levi wasn't sure he minded, but it was a change of pace and while he was quick on his feet, he still needed a bit of adjusting.

Erwin on the other hand had never had a Drift partner he connected with so intensely. He was thrown off in an entirely different way and it took a toll on him.

The blond was used to stoicism. He didn't realize he was losing himself. A particularly painful memory was budding and he was having a hard time ignoring it. Erwin could feel himself freezing and tensing up--he could feel himself instinctively going against all his training, everything he'd ever been taught about the Drift and his duties in the Drift and everything he was _supposed_  to be doing.

It was falling away from him. He saw the slums where he was raised, that childish feeling of awestruck that was really more like terror wrapped in naive disguise. The world was being built around him like a scene in a movie and as much as he wanted to turn and run and escape, that same feeling pulled him in deeper and he could feel his chest caving in, his lungs collapsing, he couldn't breathe as he watched rain falling and the shit getting beat out of tiny teenage him.

He felt a hand grip his hair, nails digging into his shoulder. Erwin shuddered as he was shook, opening eyes that tried not to be terrified and finding himself years away from that night, tucked in the Jaegar in the fetal position.

Levi was over him, shaking him and giving him water.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Erwin."

All the older man could do was stutter out an apology. Levi shook his head as Erwin took the water and slowly began sipping it. The black-haired man sat beside him, looking over at him with eyes more affectionate than irritated.

There were a few moments of silence between them as Erwin caught his breath and Levi quietly called to the control room, telling them that they were done for now. Erwin felt guilty, making everything stop so suddenly but he also couldn't say he wasn't shaken.

"Are you hurt at all?"

The blond shook his head.

"Y'alright?"

Erwin closed his eyes and considered for a moment before nodding.

"No, you're not," the smaller man said firmly, picking up the walkie talkie type device and calling it a day. He took Erwin by the arm, leading him out of the Jaegar and to the locker room.

Erwin said nothing the entire way. Levi opened his locker and pulled out a bottle of vodka and a couple of shot glasses. He filled each one, handing one to Erwin and taking one himself before taking Erwin's glass, filling it once more and giving himself another shot.

He filled Erwin's shotglass one more time smirking, "One more for luck?"

The blond eagerly took it, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards. Levi put the liquor and glasses away, shifting and looking Erwin in the eyes.

"I don't talk about my feelings and I don't expect you to."

Erwin avoided his eyes, "I--I didn't see that coming; the intensity and all of those emotions and how real it was. That didn't happen when I was piloting with Mike, not to that extent."

Levi sighed, nodding and leaning against the wall of lockers, "They told me you've never experienced Drift compatibility. Not the kind that we have anyway. It's disorienting. Especially the first few times in."

A sigh left the taller man and he closed his eyes, "It felt so real."

"That's how it pulls you in. You can't think about how real it feels." Levi darted his eyes to the ground; he'd seen enough of the memory to understand why it was triggered and why it got triggered so hard. "I know that's easier said than done. Being paired with me is going to make a lot of this very difficult. We both have demons and those awful, strong memories that are going to want to pull us in ridiculously deep. You can't let them because you're going to fuck us both if you do. On the battlefield, it may even cost our lives." He sighed, shaking his head, "You know that already, I know I don't need to tell you. You're more competent than half the people I've tested with. It's just my job to scare the shit out of you until you get it right."

Erwin nodded. He didn't expect Levi to be warm or even as understanding as he was, but he was grateful nonetheless.

  
"What we need," the younger man started, running a few fingers through his hair, "is commonality that doesn't root to pain. That was how you and Mike managed to do this without any repercussions--you had plenty in common at the ready that didn't bring you to shitty places, even though it wasn't strong enough to really fight with. We need to find that. I'm sure we have something."

The blond nodded. It made sense.

Levi hummed, "Do you know Hanji?"

Erwin felt his heart speed up a bit, "Yes. I've worked with them on several occasions now, in the lab."

"They were my initial Drift partner. Their presence isn't like any other I've piloted with. It is easy to feel warm when Hanji's around, even if you don't want to." He paused, digging the shotglasses and vodka back out, smirking as he poured and knocked back another shot, "You have any strong memories with them? Anything that makes you feel warm and fuzzy?"

"Yeah," Erwin said, reaching for the filled shotglass that Levi offered him. "Lots actually. Hanji's a warm person, more so than I'm used to." Military types weren't warm. Scientists weren't either. Hanji was an exception--one that Erwin was grateful for.

Levi snorted, "Fuckin' tell me about it. I couldn't even deal with it the first time they wanted to spend time with me. They're so chatty too, I had to teach them to appreciate the finer points of _quiet_." Another shot, one that the smaller man grimaced at and sat down because of. "That's good though. Hanji's energy--the way they are, the way they make us feel, it's powerful. It'll keep us away from the memories my energy might make you stray to or vice versa." Levi paused, "You're quiet as fuck half the time, I knew from day one you had a storm brewing inside you. I knew it'd be dangerous to do the Drift with you, I knew exactly what I was getting _myself_  into so I fucking assumed you did too. Maybe you're not as aware as I give you credit for." He smirked again, turning to Erwin and stroking his lightly stubbled jaw with more softness than the older man thought possible.

"Maybe I need to keep a good fucking eye on you." 


End file.
